Fanciful Flirting

I remember preschool, one sunny, spring afternoon, sitting in the sandbox next to Billy “Big Cheeks” Thompson. One second, I am content, making a little sand castle, minding my own business and “WHAM”, out of nowhere “Big Cheeks” threw a mud pie in my face. I was furious. I left the playground in a huff and soon after I was driving home with my Mom in the family station wagon – my brother and sister affectionately referred to this car as the “blood mobile”. I was crying and inconsolable. My first male disappointment --if I had known how many more of these I had ahead of me, I might have started spiking the cool aid at a much earlier age.

“You know why Billy threw a mudpie in your face, don’t you?” my mother asked.

“Because he’s a meanie” I retorted.

“Because he likes you,” she said.

I gave her a look that indicated I was sure she spent the afternoon drinking AND ironing. Later I learned that my Mom was right, about almost everything.

Flirting and finding a man in a big city is a lot like shopping on Black Friday; it’s completely overwhelming but shoppers keep going in hope of finding the perfect pair of designer boots, fifty percent off. Chicago is not short on men, by any stretch of the imagination, but the good ones are tough to find. Men, it seems have more options than they know what to do with and they are programmed to live the frat boy lifestyle as long as they can get away with it. Ironically, I find that the women who fair well in modern dating act more like Billy “Big Cheeks” than your average girl. I think the mistake that most women make is being too accessible and too nice. Women are hard wired to be accommodating and to put everyone else first. When it comes to dating and life for that matter, it is important to recognize that people treat you the way you allow them to treat you, this is human nature. Men want to see how much they can get away with and believe it or not, they want to be told “no”. It’s a challenge they’re after and to win the flirting gold medal, you must be smart, supportive, difficult and fun in equal amounts.

Flirting is amusing but if you’re trying to catch a big fish, you’re going to need better bait. Another fact in human psychology is that we are attracted to that which retreats from us. Think about it. Have you ever had someone get too intense, too quickly? And how did you react? You dodged his calls and eventually asked him to please lose your number. Right? The lesson is simply to refrain from putting all of your cards on the table. Keep a few just for yourself. This isn’t cruel and it’s not game playing. It shows self respect and what’s more, it shows him that you’re not counting on him to furnish 100% of your happiness.

According to the dictionary, to flirt means to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

Flirtatious Facts

• While women are ovulating they are attracted to a more dangerous, flirty type of guy.

• Flirting is often times, subconscious, and many times people will flirt when they are feeling socially awkward. Alcohol has long been touted as a social lubricant, so too is flirting!

• Men who work as stylists or personal trainers tend to be very flirtatious. Why? To get you to come back!

• German singles are encouraged to board the Flirt Express to find that special someone. Last year, nearly 5,000 people tried to buy tickets and there were only 800 seats.

What You Can Learn from the Most Dangerous Seductresses

It’s Valentine’s Day and Chicago Girly Girl believes that whether you are single or paired off, you should use this time of year to harness your inner goddess and celebrate all the qualities that make you unique. Seductresses have received a bad rap for challenging the conventions of society; they were persecuted in witch hunts, accused of being slavish man-pleasers by feminists and improperly labeled as dumb blondes and bimbos. True femme fatales defy these cheap stereotypes. In fact, seductresses are actually models of full empowerment—women of achievement and worth, who’ve chosen to excel in both love and life.

The women below include bombshells, non-beauties, intellectuals, artists, adventurers and non-conformists. They were apt in identifying the many different layers of seduction and knew that to be powerful, they’d have to do more than exploit their god-given beauty. Some were blessed with good looks but all were seductresses because of their intelligence, psychological prowess and grasp of human behavior.



Top Ten Ultimate Seductresses
Cleopatra – Queen of Egypt. Her legacy survives in numerous works of art, literature and film. In most depictions, Cleopatra is portrayed as a great beauty and her successive conquests of the world's most powerful men is taken to be proof of her aesthetic and sexual appeal. Few can argue that Cleopatra was easy on the eyes but this was nothing compared to her wit, charm and sweet voice; she was also illustrious, intelligent and politically astute.


Lou Andreas Salome (1861-1937) - Lou Andreas Salome was a novelist, essayist, psychoanalyst, and a muse as well as one of the world’s most dangerous seductresses. Salome was a peer of Sigmund Freud and challenged the gender roles of her day because of her indifference to moral conventions and insatiable intellectual curiosity. Salome captivated Nietzsche, romanced Rilke, and stole Freud's heart.

Josephine Baker (1906-1975) – actress and entertainer, American expatriate who later became a French citizen. Known as “Black Pearl”, Baker was the first African American female to star in a major motion picture, to integrate an American concert hall, and to become a world-famous entertainer. She is also noted for her contributions to the Civil Rights Movement in the United States and for and for being an inspiration to generations of African American female entertainers and others. She assisted the French Resistance by smuggling secrets written in invisible ink on her sheet music during the Second World War and because of this, she became the first American-born woman to receive the highest French military honor, the Croix de Guerre.


Pauline Viardot - When a fascinator like Pauline Viardot worked the voodoo of her personality on men, no one could resist this 'very ugly' nineteenth-century opera diva, including Ivan Turgenev, the literary George Clooney of his day. She sparkled with warmth and life, massaged egos, dispensed TLC, released inhibitions, threw delicious parties, and talked "like a princess."


Violet Gordon Woodhouse - a violinist who lived in a life-long ménage a cinq with four devoted "superhusbands." To say that she defied conventional beliefs would be a great understatement.



Lola Montez (1821-1861) - was an Irish-born dancer born under the name Eliza Rosanna Gilbert. She was also an actress who went on to become a famous Spanish dancer and eventually, the courtesan and mistress of King Ludwig I of Bavaria; King Ludwig later made her the Countess of Landsfeld.



Wallis Simpson (1895-1986) - Duchess of Windsor, American socialite who married, as her third husband, Prince Edward, Duke of Windsor, formerly King Edward VIII of the United Kingdom. She was described as charismatic, electric and compulsively ambitious.



Catherine the Great (1729-1796) – Empress of Russia. During her reign, Catherine the Great expanded Russia's borders to the Black Sea and into central Europe. She promoted westernization and modernization within the context of her autocratic control over Russia and promoted education and the Enlightenment among the elite. Catherine the Great is often remembered for her many lovers.


Mae West (1893-1980) - West was an American actress, playwright, screenwriter, and sex symbol. Known for her bawdy double entendres, West made a name for herself in Vaudeville and on the stage in New York before moving to Hollywood to become a comedian, actress and writer in the motion picture industry. One of the more controversial stars of her day, West encountered many problems including censorship.

Gloria Steinem (born in 1934) - Steinem is an American feminist icon, journalist, and social and political activist. Rising to national prominence in the 1970s, she became a leading political leader of the decade, and one of the most important crusaders of the second-wave of the women's rights movement. As a journalist, Steinem went undercover as a Playboy Bunny at the New York Playboy Club for a piece in Huntington Hartford's Show magazine.

How To Put Anyone Under Your Spell
1. Be Miss Congeniality. Despite what you might think, looks aren’t nearly as important as charisma and personality. The most dangerous seductresses used character, swank, and love smarts to enchant and influence men.

2. Strive to be an over achiever. The most powerful aphrodisiac is personal excellence. Think about it -- the higher we climb, the greater our sex appeal! Overachieving women are anything but needy because they are self sufficient. They are prepared to go at it alone if the relationship sours.

3. Master the art of conversation. As an aphrodisiac, nothing beats the sorcery of conversation. Wit wins every time.

4. You can go your own way. Well behaved women rarely make history. The greatest seductresses were daring renegades—independent, autonomous, ambitious, confident and unfeminine by societal standards.

5. Hot. Cold. If the mind is the supreme erogenous zone, then the key to holding the interest and devotion of your partner is emotion-in-motion. Seductresses stoke desire into a passion through a continuous interplay of elate and sedate, delight and difficulty, intimacy and mystery. They aren’t afraid of the “no” word and because of this, they captivate their subjects with spellbinding authority. Men don't want another over-eager pleaser, they want to labor for love. They want a one-in-a-million somebody who keeps them entranced, interested, and on their toes.

6. Dress the part. Chemistry has less to do with appearance than mental magic, but it should not be neglected. On the love path, it’s wise to deploy physical lures for maximum impact. Dress smart and be mindful of body language, posture and the tone of your voice.


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