click here to watch the WGN Valentine's Day Survival for men on Feb. 12!
My least favorite Valentine’s Day was the year that my girlfriend Emma called me into her office. “You are not going to believe what Josh got me” she said. I walked in to assess the Valentine’s Day crisis. There were already two other girls huddled together giggling. “Uh-oh” I thought. The first problem was that Emma had been trying to break up with this guy for a good two weeks at this point. The second problem was that he sent her a teddy bear holding a balloon (which said “I love you”) in one hand and a vase with one rose in the other. TO THE OFFICE. He sent this to the office!!!
Awkward. I couldn’t help but join in the giggling.
“Tom (my special man friend at the time) knows better,” I thought. To my horror, I returned to my office a few minutes later and discovered a large teddy bear adorned in black silk boxers decorated with red hearts. He too brought something with him, it was chocolates. I felt icky. I hate teddy bears, I hate stuffed animals wearing sexy clothes and Fanny May chocolates tastes like cocoa flavored toilet paper. When the girls came into my office they erupted into laughter.
“What do I do with this?”I asked them. If I discard the little guy then Tom would ask to see it.
“Oh my God. I can’t be with someone who thinks this is a good idea!” I exclaimed.
I decided to hide the evidence and threw away the boxers in the office kitchen and then, I hid the teddy bear my desk drawer. Then the phone calls started. It was Tom. I let it go to voicemail once or twice. When I finally answered the phone, I uncovered the following:
1.) Tom thought my colleagues and friends would be impressed if he sent a silk, heart boxer wearing teddy bear accompanied by chocolates, TO MY OFFICE, where people take me seriously.
2.) His Mom alerted him that the best teddy bear maker was whatever A-hole company that sent me this teddy bear to begin with.
3.) Girls like it when you sent them stuff at work, so that they feel important.
4.) Maria the cleaning lady, somehow uncovered that I threw away said, sexy boxers which could only fit a one-year-old and paid a visit to me in my office. She continued to ask me over and over again in Spanglish, why I threw them away and could she have them.
The best Valentine’s Day I ever had was sharing a home cooked meal with a former boyfriend. We split a bottle of wine and cooked then stayed in.
Gentleman, don’t be Tom!!
The guide below will make you a model boyfriend or husband. You’re welcome – you can send me lavish gifts or flowers afterwards…
Make it Heartfelt
Spend a little time thinking about what is important to your girlfriend or wife. Think about stories she has told you in the past and try to connect the dots to identify things that she cherishes.
Did you take a memorable trip together? Frame a photograph from the trip and give it to her.
Is her secret fantasy to become a jewelry designer? Then sign her up for lessons locally or visit etsy.com to find handmade pieces that she might really like.These are the best gifts because it shows that you care and that you pay attention.
Socially Aware Gift Ideas
Does your lady friend recycle and live at Whole Foods? If she is a bleeding heart democrat then she is likely environmentally and socially conscious as well. The following gifts are reasonably priced and ethic.
- FIVE Accessories – eco friendly bags made from recycled materials like potato chip bags and bamboo in placed like Honduras, Bali, Cambodia, Guatemala and India. For every bag sold owner Christine Hutchison, gives five dollars back to the community where it was made.
- Fair Trade Flowers - Fair Trade-certified flowers guarantee fair wages in developing countries where flowers are harvested. It’s only a difference of a few dollars and it really makes an impact.
Please find out what flowers she likes first. If you don’t know, ask her Mom or her best friend. Don’t buy her carnations – they are a funeral flower. Tell a friend.
- Cruelty free perfume – ($39.95) Flower Market perfume by Lush celebrates timeless beauty with classic florals and it is cruelty free (not tested on animals)!
Turn up the Heat
- Intercourses by Martha Hopkins and Randall Lockridge – ($19.77) This aphrodisiac cookbook is a must have because you can use it year round; not only are the dishes simple but they taste phenomenal! Cook a quiet dinner in this Valentine’s Day and enjoy the simplicity of it all.
Click here to buy your book today!
- Aphrodisiac Red Fire Hat Box by Vosges – ($75) Turn up the heat with this kit from Vosges: it contains spicy chocolate bonbons, an Aphrodisiac guided tasting and red feathers.
Click here to buy your chocolates right now!
Get your sweetie the ultimate Valentine’s Day experience. A gift certificate to Evlove Intimates, where she’ll get to design her very own lingerie. The gift that keeps on giving, you’ll get her the perfect gift (for both of you to enjoy) and a truly unique experience of creating it herself!
View the Evlove website and make your purchases here!
- Racy Portrait – Is your partner usually the center of attention? Women that bare it all for the camera find it to be an empowering experience. And she’ll have a keepsake for life!
Visit the Thom Rouse Gallery here for more information!